no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
