dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
