can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
