Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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