remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
