Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(315): View more from New York

That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.

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(386): View more from Florida

I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.

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(606): View more from Kentucky

This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.

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(314): View more from Missouri

He's only going to be gone for two weeks

(1-314): View more from Missouri

That's two months in gay whore years.

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(706): View more from Georgia

The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay

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(905): View more from Ontario

its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there

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