Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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