Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
