Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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