it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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