Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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