Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
