im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize