I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
