Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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