You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
