He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i believe in u and ur pee
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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