hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
