seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
did you just send me my own nude
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
