i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize