I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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