dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
