when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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