I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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