420 ftw
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
