Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It's just like the Real World with babies
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
