Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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