I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
