So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
