Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
