Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
