420 ftw
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
