Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
