Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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