ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
