he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
