absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
