Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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