Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
