I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize