Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
