I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
