he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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