You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
