You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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