Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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