Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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