Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
