If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
