She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize