She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
