How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
