A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
