Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
