k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
