From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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