Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
