if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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