i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
