My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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