we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
