and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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