All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
