That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
