so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
