Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
no you cant smoke seaweed
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize