It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize