My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
