Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
