wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize