The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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