i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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