Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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