i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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