I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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