He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
